I Admit...

I'm afraid of life! I'm afraid of life! It's true. It's my truth. Last Sunday my aunt and other kin came to my house, my aunt don't lost time to start talk with me about my back voluntary work in a ONG where she's works.  She wants to take me out of my bedroom, my room and my bed. She's told me that I decide what I want of the life... If I want stay in my bed living with my computer and talk with people that I don't know or if I want to out and make different things that make my life worthwhile, like the voluntary work that I was doing in the ONG... I don't know if you remember that I talked about it before... I was voluntary in a library in the Priest's ONG.
I'm trying to decide if I want to go back... The Thigs are... Strange now, and sometimes I think that could be good make something different... Useful. But the reality is that I'm tired about everything... I'm given up of me, of my life, of the things that I'm doing... Of my dreams and the things that I believed... Everything now seems so confused and wrong, every step that I take is a new pain inside of me... And I'm really lost. I really afraid os life, this is my first problem, I'm afraid to be alone and have to face the reality cruel and strange. To look back and see that I didn't nothing useful, that all that I did everytime with my life was nothing, doesn't mean nothing and everyday I'm more scared about everything, anything and everyone.

Are things that I can't change... And I won't.
Well, today I saw Definitely, Maybe and I really loved, it's a great movie, funny, sweet and emotional. Distracted me for a short time. Yesterday I saw The Secret Garden, and also for a short time I back to be a child... And Felt so good, I've saw this movie when I was 4... I'm 22 now, it's a long time. I could say that I'm ok, but I won't. It's a lie, I'm not ok, and I really don't know when I will again I can't understand why the life is so hard and unfair... I really want to be in my room alone for a long time or, stay in a sanatorium for a time just to think about my life. But I can't isn't?
My sis found a notebook with my name... And I guess so cute:

For now it's just this.