I'm really not ok. These days I discussed with my mom because I'm so tired about her cleaning mania. I'm Thinking about my choices, the things that I've did these years and I really don't like the results. I don't kow who I am and I really need to find the answer for this question. But I'm scared so much to trying alone, for this I was looking for Adam Like I was die. And I finally found him... Unhappily.
He is so different of the Adam that I met, that I broke, and I think the fault is mine but I can't change the past. I know that I need bring my Adam back to find myself again. He knows me like anyone else, just with his help I can find the person who I really am. The truth about me. Till there I'm here, alone, haunted, confused and scared. And I really don't know what to do.
I'm afraid to die, but I'm not araid to lost memory and I really want this... I thought about this these days, I'm thinking about this all the time. Just forget everything, who I am, who I'm becoming, the people, the pain, the doubts. I really want this but I can't get that happen. Unhappily.
I watched The Secret Circle these days, 16 chapters in 3 days, I just didn't like Cassie and Adam don't be together but I'm really fascinated whit this. I need the books, It's my priority now. I really think that I just... Need something to hold on.... Like was with twilight. But and after? What I'll to hold on? I have to break this curse before it break me.
For this I have to find myself and I just can do this with Adam, I'm trying alone all the time, but I always failed. I was Bella, Cassie now... I was Gabriella, I was so much people... This is wrong, but... When I was with Adam I was just me... Because of this I need bring he back... And I'm afraid... of can't get do.
My Christmas eve is a sucks, I think it's because I'm brazilian and we don't sit around the table together to celebrate the party of jesus birthday. We just staying apart ourself and nothing at all. It's really emotional! (ok I'm sarcastic now.) My mom still angry about me and I am really angry with her too. But it's ok... Soon pass, I think. I was over to feel in USA now... My mom buys pizza to me, my sis and her. It's our diner in Christmas eve. Very different.
I don't know what say now... I think that no have nothing more to say. I'm really sad and just this.
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